Why Women and Cell Phones Don't Mix

At least once a day, I am privy to this delightful situation:

*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG*
(insert most annoying ring tone you can think of)

That goes on for about 5 seconds. Then it's a woman's voice:

"Oh, is that my phone ringing?"

Then it's a mad scramble to try to find the phone in the depths of the abyss otherwise known as the pocketbook. (Have you noticed how big women's pocketbooks have gotten lately? Whatever happened to discrete, dainty purses?? Sorry, I digress.)

Phone is found, then it's:

"Oh! It's (insert name of person she talks to every day)!"

"Hello? Hello? HELLO???"

Pause, look at phone.

"Oh I missed it."

This kind of annoying nonsense probably happens at least 19,000 times every second somewhere around the world.

I would love it if somebody could explain to me a rational reason as to why no woman can carry a cell phone in her pocket, or on her belt loop, or elsewhere on her person, and not stash it deep inside the bag. Quite frankly, it's never a man who hears his phone ring and goes through this routine of not knowing if it's his phone or where his phone is. Or, let me clarify that... if it is a man who goes through this routine, he's usually 70 years or older, in which case we'll let him pass because he's earned the right to lose his phone at that age. But no excuses for young or middle aged women for these shenanigans!

Let's get some cell phone etiquette classes, shall we?

Commercial Suggestion for Cell Phone Companies

I see cell phone companies often bragging in their commercials about how they provide better reception than their competitors.

"More Bars in More Places" (AT&T)
"Can You Hear Me Now?" (Verizon)
"Now, That's Better" (Sprint)

But how much more vague can you get? Not only that, but many of these commercials show a made-up scenario that is supposed to represent a real cell-phone situation, like AT&T's doofus on top of a ridge knocking on car windows trying to find his daughter because he didn't get the message from her that she was staying over a friend's house. It's lazy marketing.

Instead of all this cutesy stuff, here's my idea for a killer, sensible, and direct ad campaign...

If you're really the best wireless carrier, take comparable phones from each company to one spot, line them up on the screen, and simply show the reception on the phone to illustrate just how much better your reception is. Perhaps it's a field in the middle of Iowa where your company has four bars, the others have two or one. Or maybe it's in the lobby of a hotel in Walla Walla Washington, or on the 17th hole at Augusta National Golf Course.

To me, seeing the actual reception levels at various places like this is indisputable evidence that your company really is better than the others in providing a good signal. And it would be a lot less annoying than these other bogus characters they've developed.

But hey, that's just me.

Verizon Ads: Bad Timing?

These Verizon commercials that are all over the tube nowadays have me wondering if perhaps they're giving the wrong subliminal message at the wrong time.

The gyst of the commercials is that wherever you go with your Verizon cell phone, the entire Verizon company will be there to make sure your call goes through successfully. Each commercial depicts a scene of somebody on the phone in a public place and then shows a flood of Verizon workers following him or her around. I suppose it's a pretty good metaphor for what they're trying to convey.

But in recent months (years?) we've been hearing more and more about the government's controversial act of performing wiretapping to monitor potential terrorist phone calls. So these Verizon commercials almost give me a "Big Brother" is watching (following) you.

Obviously Verizon is not intending on this mental connection for its potential and current customers, but I can't help but be a little skeeved out when the Verizon spokesperson asks the person on the other end of the line "Can you hear me now?"

"Yes, I can hear you now. But who else can here us now?"

Gadges, Gadgets Everywhere

We are no longer in the Information Age. I do declare that we have entered the Gadget Age.

It used to be that we could comfortably leave the house with a car key, house key, and wallet.

Now, try to imagine leaving the house without a car door fob, cell phone, PDA, MP3 player, Bluetooth headset... and that's just to get a jug of milk!

We are infatuated and addicted to gadgets and gizmos, do-dads and devices. And of course each one has its own charger cord, carrying case, and instruction manual. We've got more stuff, with more stuff on the way.

Makes you harken nostalgically back to the days when Grok and Unga could leave the cave with a just a wooden club and be totally happy and totally prepared for any possible scenario that could come their way.

Bet those clubs didn't play all the coolest ringtones though. But I bet they could lay down all the best hits.