Why Women and Cell Phones Don't Mix

At least once a day, I am privy to this delightful situation:

*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG*
(insert most annoying ring tone you can think of)

That goes on for about 5 seconds. Then it's a woman's voice:

"Oh, is that my phone ringing?"

Then it's a mad scramble to try to find the phone in the depths of the abyss otherwise known as the pocketbook. (Have you noticed how big women's pocketbooks have gotten lately? Whatever happened to discrete, dainty purses?? Sorry, I digress.)

Phone is found, then it's:

"Oh! It's (insert name of person she talks to every day)!"

"Hello? Hello? HELLO???"

Pause, look at phone.

"Oh I missed it."

This kind of annoying nonsense probably happens at least 19,000 times every second somewhere around the world.

I would love it if somebody could explain to me a rational reason as to why no woman can carry a cell phone in her pocket, or on her belt loop, or elsewhere on her person, and not stash it deep inside the bag. Quite frankly, it's never a man who hears his phone ring and goes through this routine of not knowing if it's his phone or where his phone is. Or, let me clarify that... if it is a man who goes through this routine, he's usually 70 years or older, in which case we'll let him pass because he's earned the right to lose his phone at that age. But no excuses for young or middle aged women for these shenanigans!

Let's get some cell phone etiquette classes, shall we?

Where Would Women Turn without Chocolate??

I work with a lot of women in my office. And hardly a day goes by where I don't hear something along the lines of:

"I need chocolate!" or

"Do you have any chocolate?" or

"I have such a chocolate craving!" or

"Oh my god, does that have chocolate in it? That looks so good, can I have some?"

Well, you get the idea.

My question is, what would women do if chocolate was never invented? I doubt you'd hear something like:

"I need a turnip!" or

"Do you have any parsley?" or

"I have such a chard craving!"

Well, you get the idea.

I guess that really goes for anything though. Once you get a taste for something (be it a food, drink, or even just a personal preference like driving fancy cars) then you don't want to go back.

But the next time I hear "Oooh, I need some chocolate!" I'm tempted to respond with "Sorry, chocolate's been officially banned. Can I offer you some monkey brains?" That'll stir some things up around the water cooler...