The Spare Button Dilemma

I vaguely remember a Jerry Seinfeld bit, where he talks about the buttons that come in little packets when you buy a new shirt or pants. His point was-- does anybody really keep all of these spare buttons?

Over the holidays, I got some new clothes, and one of the pairs of pants came with a little packet of spare buttons. Seinfeld is right-- what am I supposed to do with these buttons? Store them in a little filing cabinet with a description of the pants they belong to? Unlikely.

The real question to me here is... why can't we make clothing where the buttons just stay on permanently? Seems to me like there's got to be a better way to keep buttons on a piece of cloth than by using a tiny piece of twine to keep it attached. Or at least find a way to secure that piece of string on better. Whoever can invent a method to help permanently attach buttons to their pieces of cloth will surely revolutionize the button industry.

Are you that revolutionary person that us clothing wearers so desperately need?

Yes, I'm Fashion Illiterate

I was just looking at Eddie Bauer's website, and I realized just how fashion illiterate I am. I usually just buy clothes based on looks and prices, but I feel left out because nobody ever sat me down and told me what the difference was between "chino" and "khaki" pants or "chambray", "poplin", "twill", or "oxford" shirts, for example.

This lingo confusion is, of course, one of the major gaps between shopping at, say, Gap.com or Gap in the mall. In person, you can touch, try on, and ask others about their opinions; descriptions have minimal value because you're right there to look at the clothes. Online, you're dependent on the company's descriptions-- some of which are unitelligible-- and one-dimensional photos. To add to that, you have to wait for these closed to arrive at your house to determine if you like them, plus you get to pay for that convenience of shipping.

Obviously, these limitations don't apply only to clothes, since buying virtually anything online involves a leap of faith to some extent, but I'd say clothing is probably the most challenging common item that would come into play.

For those of you wondering at home, I'm wearing mesh basketball shorts with an all cotton t-shirt. And no, they're not for sale...

LL Bean: Doing It Right

I'm not going to lie. I'm an LL Bean fan. I like the way they operate. They know who they are, they don't try to be anybody else, and they're completely customer-oriented.

Case in point:
On Saturday I stopped by the LL Bean near me to pick up some gifts. Yes, it was a packed house, what with Christmas rapidly approaching. However, the overall atmosphere there was mellow and comfortable, not chaotic and overwhelming like a Macy's or Kohl's can be. Here are some things that impressed me:

• Music: For a spell while I was there they had a three piece ensemble playing Christmas melodies. This made for a cozy shopping experience. (Editor's Note: I wanted to be like Ace Ventura and yank the violinist's arm in mid-stroke just for fun, but my conscience got the best of me!)
  
• Selection: I am a vertically endowed fellow. I typically like shopping at LL Bean because if I see something I like I can have it ordered in a tall size with no shipping charge if they don't have it in stock in the store. This time around I found a good number of items stocked in tall size. The only other stores that carry tall sizes that I like are J. Crew and Eddie Bauer, but they never have the tall sizes in stock. So suffice it to say, this was a pleasant surprise, and I even got myself a present since I liked the way a particular fleece pullover looked and fit on me.
  
• Efficiency: Though I had to wait in line to checkout, there were at least five cashiers up and running, and a separate table was set up for gift boxes, so the line moved pretty smoothly.
• Thoughtfulness: When I checked out I was given a $10 gift card for spending more than $50. I had no idea this was coming and it was a real nice touch; it was certainly not announced in any extravagent way, just a very subtle "thank you" before leaving. That's class.

All of these things put together made for an excellent shopping experience. Though some may not believe it, these are indeed marketing victories through and through.

Dry Cleaners: Marketing's Final Frontier

Dry Cleaners are without a doubt the final frontier of marketing.

Every dry cleaner that I've ever been to or can ever recall seeing is identical. It's a small storefront in a strip mall, with large windows filled with 1950's looking drawings of the various items of clothing they clean, and a faded sign announcing their hours of operation.

Inside, you walk in and the various sewing machines and other equipment are up front, leading up to a Formica counter, and ending with an endless rack of clean clothing in plastic and more machines toward the back that look slightly dangerous and angry.

This standard layout is the epitome of form follows function. Nothing ritzy, nothing cozy, nothing welcoming. Just a store with a whole lotta mess all over the place. It's an anomaly in this world of Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, Whole Foods Markets, or even post offices (which have stepped up their efforts to compete with the FedEx's of the world) where every minor detail is perfected to the T. But in a dry cleaner? It's the Wild, Wild West of the retail terrain.

That said, I'll let the dry cleaners slide on the areas of atmosphere and amenities . Most people will never spend more than a minute and a half in there, so the looks of the joint aren't that vital.

Here are some things I really don't get, however...

Pricing: This is just one big cloud of mystery. Nobody knows for sure how much anything will cost when dropping something off at the dry cleaner. It's just an ancient mathematical equation, passed down from generation to generation that is calculated in the shopkeeper's head and/or Casio calculator. Everywhere else in commercial world, prices are clearly posted and discounts are announced loudly. Not at the dry cleaner's. It's just a price du jour. Drop your clothes off and they'll come back clean and pressed. Just don't ask how much it will cost. Bizarre.

Process: What in the name of Ralph Lauren do the workers do to clean the clothes back there? I'd be willing to bet that 95% of all Americans have no clue as to how their clothes get clean at the dry cleaners. How long does it take to clean an item of clothing? What chemicals do they use? Is everything done on premises? Etc., etc., etc. If I were to market a dry cleaner, I'd have the processes detailed to show just how much better these processes are compared to what can be done at home, or what they do differently from their competitors. Show me the best way to pre-treat a stain to make sure it comes out when they clean. Something! Just work with me here!

Promotions: Would it kill these dry cleaners to have an Early Bird Special? Or a frequent cleaner card? Or a Trousers Tuesday special? Something? Please?

Ok, that's all; I'm done pressing this issue.